


Across the Line (Bringing Daniel Back)

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-06-04
Updated: 2002-06-04
Packaged: 2018-10-07 02:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10350507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: Warnings: Very mild languageSpoilers: "Meridian" (see author’s notes), "Maternal Instinct"Summary: As the title suggests, I’m bringing Daniel home.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Across the Line (Bringing Daniel Back)

##  Across the Line (Bringing Daniel Back)

##### Written by Travelling One   
Comments? Write to us at [travelling_one@yahoo.ca](mailto:travelling_one@yahoo.ca)

  * SPOILERS: Meridian (see author’s notes); Maternal Instinct 
  * CONTENT WARNINGS: very mild language 
  * As the title suggests, I’m bringing Daniel home. 
  * PG [D] 



* * *

**PART ONE**

"Beer, Daniel?" Jack asked half-heartedly as he crossed the threshold to his living room. Setting the bottles down on his coffee table, he sunk down into his favourite armchair, opening one himself. "You know, I’ve been meaning to show you those photos you asked about, the ones from the ‘60’s in Chicago. You wouldn’t believe how cool I looked with long hair. Longer than yours used to be. You know, you reminded me a bit of myself when I first met you, myself in high school, I mean." He paused. "But I’d really like to show them to you. We kept putting it off every time you’ve come, and after you left last time I finally found them…" His voice trailed off; the time was getting late, they should be ordering out by now. "Pizza tonight, Daniel, or burgers?"

But Daniel didn’t answer.

"You know, you’re welcome to stay tonight." Still silence.

Jack leaned forward, resting his head in his hands.

No, there would **be** silence tonight. Daniel wasn’t here, never would be again.

He shook his head, nearly imperceptibly. This time, this time…

His friend had crossed the line. Crossed it for real, that line separating heroism from foolhardiness, bravery from suicide. And he’d lost, knowingly. Premeditated. Crossed the line from life to … afterlife.

"So, Daniel…tell me more about the Kolonian people, their technology and all." 

"You know, for once I’d really like to hear about it. Long version this time, too. Go ahead, talk all you want. I’m listening."

Listening to the silence. No, that was unacceptable. That just wasn’t going to happen, Daniel dying. He was too important, too…important. 

Too many silent tears were escaping tonight, tears no one else would ever see nor would Jack ever admit to. At the compound, he was Colonel O’Neill, two l’s, CO of the premier field team of Earth’s most well-kept secret, and he was strong. In command, professional. At home though, he was Jack, and he could fucking well mourn for a friend if he needed to. 

"God, Daniel, it’s late. Drink your beer."

_______________

The room was still swathed in blackness when Jack abruptly awoke, and, opening a tired eye a crack, he noted that his clock read 4:22am. A sick feeling welled up inside him, and the realization hit forcefully that Daniel…

No.

Oh god, no.

Daniel was

Jack shut his eyes tight. He couldn’t even think of it. Remembering was too painful. Every night, same thing. Every morning…

This was his day off, good thing, because he had no more strength to keep up his show of indifference. Couldn’t go in again today and pretend that he was okay.

_______________

He poured two cups of coffee, just as he’d done at the SGC ever since Daniel had…

"Drink, Daniel. I’ll make breakfast soon. " Jack pulled up his chair along with the morning paper. It wasn’t as though Daniel had been living with him or anything, he hadn’t really been over that much at all. Had only stayed the night about six times since they’d met. But being together nearly every day on planets thousands of light years from Earth, camping out, risking lives, fear, hatred, love, dread, honesty, anger, tears, empathy, kindness… all that kind of forges a bond, a foundation, which, when shattered tragically, finds a way to spring forth with some mechanism of coping. Jack needed to believe that his friend had found his home a comfortable, happy place to visit. 

"Yeah," he muttered, "my home is your home."

And the vision of Daniel’s last visit, he’d stayed longer than Sam and Teal’c, kept returning. Daniel had sat at that very spot at the table now occupied by a cup of cooling coffee waiting to be drunk by a missing comrade. And Jack could see him there. The friendly argument about whether those pets on 812 should have been left in the wild, and they’d ended up making exhaustion-induced jokes and laughing till the tears flowed. Yep, that’s how he wanted to remember Daniel. 

He could still see Daniel on the sofa, watching out the window in wonderment as the jays cracked sunflower seeds between their claws. 

Daniel was in his kitchen, insisting he could make macaroni and cheese to outdo Betty Crocker’s. And he had, even though Jack would’ve settled for it outdoing MREs. He could still see Daniel at the counter, chopping the cheese.

Daniel was even on Jack’s roof, gazing through the telescope, learning the names of the constellations as quickly as Jack could point them out. He was a bright one, that boy. Clever. Brilliant.

And the world had lost him, without even knowing what it was they had lost. Or why. Daniel’s damn suicidal martyrdom was fucking classified.

No. Jack could barely go anywhere in his home without seeing Daniel. The spare room, the garden. Even at the telephone. His ghostly presence was welcome, but the memories weren’t. They made it damn hard to get on with one’s life.

________________

"So, Daniel, want a sandwich?" Jack made two anyway, knowing full well that Daniel would just leave it on his plate again, and he’d have to throw it out. No, knowing damn well Daniel was…

Dead. 

Jack sat back in his favourite armchair, eyes closed, head resting against a pillow. Let Daniel have the sofa. 

No, get a grip. Let Daniel go.

________________

_____Daniel______

Light was everywhere, light was life. It was sound, emotion, feelings; hunger, friendship, love. Light permeated every cell of every living thing in this dimension, and Daniel was forcing himself to expand into it. 

Forcing himself, whereas he should be eagerly welcoming the novelty, the exploration, the adventure. After all, how many people on Earth could actually say they’ve been to the afterlife, paradise,Valhalla, Eden, Nirvana, and… survived? Unless, of course, this was death, and he’d managed to find it too soon. A thin line, between life and death.

Light beings floating behind and above him, mesmerizing what was left of his human senses, senses that were becoming duplicated, exaggerated, filling every human cell of his transforming human body. There was knowledge within that he never could have dreamed of, and the extent to which it filled his soul was overwhelming for a simple human who had wanted only some sort of life change, a different path to follow. Fancy that, going through an approaching early mid-life crisis and finding yourself in a place where all questions are answered, in time, where there is no need for curiosity, for all will be revealed to ensure one’s spiritual growth…no need for curiosity, that driving force in Daniel’s previous life, the force that had made life … worth living.

Yes, this should all be very fascinating. Should be exhilarating, miraculous.

Except that Daniel knew he’d been forced into this before he was ready. 

And while he knew he ought to be thinking of his spiritual development, of accepting guidance from these beings of pureness and vitality, of how to be one with the quest, the truth, the love…

Yes, while he knew he ought to be thinking of all those things that would lead him to ascension for eternity, instead he kept thinking about…beer.

And he didn’t even like beer.

_____________

Jack had been back at work for weeks now, making as if life could pick up and go on as usual. The fact was, Sam had been moping the entire time, saying barely a word to anyone, locked away in her lab where he had walked in on her one day to find her crying. Teal’c had been doing a hell of a lot of kel’no’reeming lately, and was otherwise his usual compliant self, albeit much quieter than ever, as much as that was possible. And he? He was considering retirement.

Sure, he’d seen comrades taken before his eyes, and it had always hurt. Always. Even knowing he had to keep a distance, the moments he had seen it happen, and for many nights alone afterwards, he couldn’t get their faces out of his mind. And he had always picked up and moved on, just like a good soldier should.

Yet being good at what he did couldn’t block out this latest loss, couldn’t accept it, justify it, or forget it. This one was Daniel, and years of working side by side with a man with whom he had developed the kind of bond in which each would give up his life for the other, mission after deadly mission that threatened to take a teammate’s life each time they left home, kind of got into every living cell of tissue, muscle, blood. To put it simply, Daniel was the closest friend he’d had in what amounted to a lifetime, and he missed him fiercely.

Jack saw Daniel every time he walked past that office, the workroom Daniel used to practically live in, his light remaining on in welcome till all hours of the night or early morning. Jack couldn’t pass that doorway any more. Wouldn’t even get off on that floor, if he didn’t have to.

Jack saw Daniel in the commissary, playing with his waffles and drinking bad coffee. It was hard trying to avoid that place, though, even when he brought his own sandwiches from home. That couldn’t always work, and ordering in to the SGC was not an option being sanctioned by General Hammond.

Jack saw Daniel on the ramp to the Stargate, biting his lip and looking like he was a thousand light years away before he even left home.

Jack saw Daniel every time he woke Jonas for second watch.

The memories of Daniel were everywhere, and Jack’s mind wouldn’t let them rest.

So, Jack was considering retirement, again, only this time…this time, it would definitely be permanent. So much had happened since that night when he was first summoned back to the SGC, back to the Stargate program. One fateful night…if the Goa’uld had never decided to try Earth’s coordinates one more time… Jack would never have come out of retirement the first time, and Daniel would still be living on Abydos.

Instead of dead.

So instead of writing the mission report, Jack was staring at a three-quarters finished draft of his resignation. A draft that, for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to complete. 

Taking the last sip from his coffee mug, he rose to pour another. Two; if he didn’t get one for Daniel , the man might think he was being forgotten.

_______________

_____Daniel_____

Training, although it wasn’t training, in the pure sense of the word. Learning to be one of them, it was a matter of relaxing, concentrating, and letting knowledge flow freely into one’s mind. But Daniel would find his mind wandering, and would fight to bring it back on track. Frustrated, he had never been such a poor student. 

It had all been overwhelming at first. Daniel had arrived feeling like a small, lost, insignificant particle caught up in a sweeping worldwind of time and timelessness. Friends’ faces appeared and disappeared; part of his training was to learn to forget and give up his past life. 

Then it had become easier, slightly. The mind could do outrageously wonderful and beautiful things, and he was a part of it. Small miracles, by the standards of the merely human life he had grown up knowing, wonders that went far beyond explanation, wonders that he wished desperately to be able to share with Sam…

Sam. Jack. His training wasn’t going nearly as well as he knew it should. Yet the unearthly instructors were patient, understanding. Of course they were. But when all the parlour tricks had been tried and done, Daniel realized that he was, well, bored. 

He wanted a challenge, yes, but a challenge of finding things out for himself, of solving Earth’s riddles by putting the pieces together. His mind kept returning to the Stargate. The Goa’uld. Jack. Yes, how was Jack doing now, without him? 

Daniel practiced his lessons, watched the rhythm of harmony and light around him, all the while knowing his heart wasn’t in it, he needed even more than this, ungrateful human as he was. But how could he think of light and love and truth, when all he could think of, for some reason, was… coffee?

_______________

_The Skies of March,_ by Julian Edwards. Jack fingered the book, a fictionalized account of the ancient astronomers of Peru. A gift from Daniel, to symbolize the bond between the ancient cultures of his own intellectual world, and Jack’s love of the night sky. A birthday gift given with thought and sincerity. It had lain unopened for nearly a year, but now, reading into the fourth chapter, Jack couldn’t understand why. This book was good, and he’d never even be able to tell Daniel.

_______________

_____Daniel_____

Can one be kicked out of heaven? Or whatever this place actually was, the dimension of utmost purity? Daniel wasn’t sure, although he knew he owed these beings for saving his life, for giving him back a semblance of the structural body he had had, with no visible injuries. Curing him had been a simple process; all it had taken was a group of beings surrounding him with light, with love. All it took was belief. How could he justify letting them down like this? And what would happen to him if he did? 

While he didn’t want to find out, didn’t want to fail, wanted to learn all the secrets of mankind and the universe and beyond, he was realizing it was more intriguing to discover answers by himself, over time, using his thought processes and deductive skills, than to be an all-knowing being. For some reason, he was starting to miss his friends on Earth, the jokes, the pizza, the all-night think sessions with Sam, nights on Jack’s roof. Come on, he’d passed all that, didn’t need it any longer. That’s what he’d been led to believe, anyway. That was what he’d hoped for. Getting on with his life.

So why did he keep wishing he could discuss _The Skies of March_ with Jack? For goodness’ sake, as far as he knew, the man had tossed the book onto a shelf where it was still accumulating dust bunnies. _Too bad, Jack, you would’ve liked that one_.

_______________

Jack was completely immersed in the eleventh chapter now. Truth was, he couldn’t put the book down. All his spare moments, though few and far between, had been devoted to holding, reading, savoring this historical novel. Not only because it had been given to him by Daniel, but because the protagonist _was_ Daniel. Driven by curiosity, an intelligent astronomer who went against the ways of his people, people who preferred religion and ceremony, illusions and magic, to the scientific theories of the radical astronomers. This character reminded Jack so much of Daniel, he was allowing his friend to come alive in the pages while he read. It was therapy, only Jack was afraid to allow the story to end.

_______________

_____Daniel_____

This wasn’t just a passing thought. It was an obsession. Couldn’t get _The Skies of March_ out of his mind. For many a training session, or whatever he could use to count the passage of time in this place, it was all he had thought about. Somehow, he had to convince Jack to read it. 

What was he thinking? He had no communication with his former… family. He couldn’t convince Jack to do anything.

Family. That word was foreign to his mind, now. Yet just thinking it, remembering it, brought a sense of agonizing loss. _Nostalgia_. Funny, he hadn’t felt anything remotely negative in the time he’d been here, however long that was. A week, a month, a year…there was no sense of time. Now, that word…family… _family_ … he knew he was not radiating pure white light, but a sadness of blues. Here, there were guardians. Instructors, teachers, kindness. But no real family. No one to tell him he was special, and, more importantly, no one who needed _him_. 

He didn’t know why Jack needed to read _The Skies of March_ , just knew he had to. Unless…unless…he was reading it already?

If only he could see Jack. Somewhere. But the only place Daniel knew he could go, was Kheb. Hey, Jack, you wouldn’t be planning a mission to Kheb any time soon, would you?

_______________

Jack wiped at his eyes. Damn, it was only a book. Yeah, right. So the astronomer was persecuted for his beliefs, which later turned out to be correct, by the way, but never retracted his convictions. How many times had this story been rewritten over time? Seems every age had their share of martyrs. 

Anyway, he wasn’t crying for a character in a book. The tears were for Daniel, so there.

God, he missed him. 

While the man’s presence seemed to linger through every room in his house, every area worth anything at the compound, Jack needed to be somewhere closer. Closer to Daniel, just for a day. An hour, he’d even settle for an hour. Crap, why couldn’t he let the man go?

Because the foundations of friendship still reached ten miles underground. Jack needed to reach out for that once more, one last time and then…then maybe he could let Daniel go.

He needed to be somewhere Daniel was connected to. He needed to be somewhere…like Kheb?

**PART TWO**

Why Hammond had okayed this mission, Jack had no idea. Kheb…what were they going to find? What were they looking for? 

Jack had trusted Daniel to find a harcesis child that no one but Daniel really believed existed, and Hammond had not vetoed the missions. Now, the general was allowing personal use of the Stargate - which, to Jack, amounted to the same thing - in order to seek out _something_ that Jack couldn’t place his finger on. But Hammond had understood. Jack just needed to go to Kheb.

Now, walking towards that distant monastery, he had his slight misgivings. Only, however, because the magnetic feelings kept growing stronger with each forward step. He knew he was doing the right thing.

Sam had been more hesitant, cautious. Jack was worried about her, taking this trek into such personal woods. She and Teal’c hadn’t, after all, been the ones talking to Daniel all these weeks. As far as he knew.

The whole way there, the trio remained in silence. Jack had not thought Jonas should come along on this one. 

The monastery loomed up ahead, and Jack’s nerves recoiled. There was mystery here, but also death. And life. And if he didn’t find what he was looking for, whatever that may be, he knew that retirement resignation would be seeing the light of day. He’d just had to do this first. This, he knew, was his final good-bye.

He saw Sam pale as they drew up to the door, and her hesitation caused inside him a regret that she had volunteered to come along. Out of what, loyalty? To him, or to Daniel? She was hurting, and he didn’t know what would make her feel better. "You can stay out here, Sam," O’Neill said quietly.

"No, Sir. I…I want to go in."

Teal’c and Sam followed Jack into the cool interior. Looking around, there was emptiness. Empty of furniture, empty of warmth, both spiritual and physical. Empty of hope, curiosity, strength. Empty of Daniel.

Sam wandered the room slowly, stopping to gaze upon the inscriptions. She turned her head to the floor, before anyone could see the dampness on her face. Teal’c remained as a sentinel in the doorway.

Jack sat half-heartedly on the floor, preparing to say his good-byes. He didn’t know what he’d expected. 

_______________

_____Daniel_____

Whiteness. Transporting him to wherever he needed to be, on the wings of thought. He’d learned that bit recently, about the power of his own thoughts, a lesson that was controlled by the instructors, for one was only given the power of thought when one’s thoughts proved to be…pure benevolence. Although it was unlikely that one would be in this place at all, if their thoughts were much less in the first place. They’d been correct; to come here, one must first free themselves of the burdens of anger and hatred.

He’d been practicing this lesson above all others, recently…for Daniel was being drawn, like a magnet, back to Kheb.

_______________

They all saw it, not one noticing first, all heads looked up, for it seemed to come straight out of the ceiling…a cloud, a wispy whiteness, and it grew more and more brilliant, until the light was hovering just above the floor, and in its midst this brilliance started to fade, slowly…

"Oma Desala?" Jack verbalized in hushed tones, wishing for, yet not expecting, it to be something - someone - else .

They observed, eyes unmoving off the fading light, as gradually a form began to take shape, to darken, to materialize, to gain substance. The moments stood still, the team’s expressions mirroring one another’s, staring, unblinking… at the now nearly solid form of Daniel, wrapped in flowing robes of golden peach. 

"Oh god." Sam’s whispered gasp caused Teal’c to turn towards her. She looked faint, and he grasped her lower arm.

"D…Daniel?" Jack was struggling, again, to hold back his emotions.

The apparition was mouthing words, but there was silence. His lips were moving, yet no sound came forth.

"We are unable to hear you, Daniel Jackson." Thank goodness Teal’c was still in control of his voice, thought Jack.

A faint smile, and the vision closed its eyes. Remaining like that for moments, seemingly in intense concentration, the form of Daniel fully touched the floor, and became stronger. Eyes remaining closed, becoming stronger still…and then Daniel was as solid as the rest of SG-1.

"God that was hard," he smiled.

Sam’s hand flew to her mouth, eyebrows lowered in tension, she really really didn’t want to cry…

"Is that you, Daniel Jackson?" Yes, thank goodness Teal’c was still in control of his voice.

Daniel stared in disbelief. He’d…done it! Somehow, some way, he’d made contact with his team. No, with his family. "It is, Teal’c," he whispered. Feelings, that he hadn’t had for a very long time now, and they were nearly overwhelming.

"Are you…are you, uh, solid?" Jack found his voice.

Daniel looked down at himself. "I, um, I seem to be, Jack. I’ve never done this before," he replied with that crooked half-smile Jack remembered too well.

"Good. Then I can do this." Jack moved forward, tentatively placing his hands on Daniel’s shoulder. Feeling a solid human body beneath his touch, he enclosed his…friend…in a thick embrace. If this was good-bye, this time he would damn well make it worth it.

Daniel found himself being enclosed from all sides. Yes, this was what he’d been missing - people who could make him feel special, and most of all, people who needed _him_.

It was a while before any of them were willing to pull away.

"Daniel…" Jack had one thing in particular he needed to say to his friend. "Thank you for _The Skies of March_."

Daniel’s wide blue eyes held onto Jack for a long moment. So they _had_ made contact. "Thought you’d like it," he smiled.

"Daniel…you don’t …can you…" Sam couldn’t express what she wanted to know. Didn’t want to know what she thought she’d hear.

"Are you restricted to remaining on Kheb, Daniel Jackson?"

_Yes_ , thought Sam. _That was it._

"Um, I’m not sure, Teal’c." 

"How…how are you doing,, Daniel?" Jack bit his bottom lip.

"Good. Uh, not bad. They’ve taken care of me. Fixed me up," Daniel grinned, indicating his body. "It’s amazing out there, fascinating."

"Why’d you come here today?" Jack had to know what was going on.

Daniel considered his reply. "You called me."

" _You_ called _me_." 

"That too."

The three members of SG-1 silently observed their former friend, glad beyond words to be able to speak with him, to see that he was alright; laden with grief that they would have to leave him again. But if they knew that they could see him sometimes, maybe…just maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much.

"Fascinating, huh? So…you like it …up there?" Jack tried a new approach. He was getting at something, just didn’t know quite how.

"I miss you guys like crazy."

That was it, what he needed to hear. Jack muttered this quickly. "Come back with us."

Three figures caught their breath, wanting to hear this question, wanting to hear the answer, not wanting to hear the answer. Not wanting to be rejected. 

Daniel closed his eyes, mentally exploring his semi-new body. He could feel the light pulsating within. It was keepng a tight hold on his concentration, this physical state of being. "I don’t think I can."

"Try."

"I’m not sure that I know enough about this. I need to learn how to do this properly, or even if it’s poosible. I’m not sure if I…want to." Even looking at their grief-stricken faces, beautiful desperate faces, he couldn’t forget the lure of the light…

"Oh." That was different. 

"Permanently, I mean. Do you, um, think I’d be allowed to come for, um, a visit?"

_______________

"Oma went through, so did you," Jack commented with optimism.

"As light entities, Jack."

"Sir, we don’t know if Daniel will exit with his physical body or not, but that’s not the only thing we have to consider. He might just lose himself in the wormhole if he transforms within it."

They neared the Stargate with extreme trepidation. Jack’s wisecracks had been accepted as his means of relief and releasing tension, his sideways glances at Daniel and frequent grins giving away any secrets he’d been intent on concealing. Carter never left Daniel’s side, her arm sneaking up to his every few moments. Even Teal’c could not seem to keep his eyes off his old friend. Approaching the gate now, no one knew the consequences of what the energy fields would bring.

Daniel’s own hold on his current state was tenuous. He knew he hadn’t been _there_ long enough to know what he was doing. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe Oma would be angry. Maybe this was irresponsible. Maybe this wasn’t even possible. Why hadn’t she told him, if he could someday go home?

"Daniel Jackson. You must now decide if this is worth the attempt." Teal’c studied Daniel’s face as the vortex splashed outwards. He had frequently seen his young friend without his spectacles, but there was something different about Daniel’s features now…they were … softer, gentler than they’d been in a long while, almost radiant. Perhaps he should remain, as he seemed to be doing so well…

Throughout the journey to the gate, Daniel had pondered that same question. Did he have the nerve to try this? At least, here with Oma and her enlightened band of wisdom teachers, he was _alive_ , accepted, honoured, fulfilled. Fulfilled? He could still feel Sam touching his arm, so very gently. The look in Jack’s eyes the moment he’d materialized, well, he couldn’t forget that. Couldn’t get enough of that. _That_ had been fulfilling, for a few moments. He needed to be needed.

"I’m giving it a try, Teal’c. If it doesn’t work, then I guess I’ll never know."

"And we’ll have killed you again?" Jack lifted his eyebrows.

"My choice, Jack."

"And you’ll have killed yourself again?" Holy freakin’ donuts, was he joking about this now? Maybe now was still too soon.

Daniel closed his eyes, feeling the light pulsating within him once more. "Come on," he said, taking hold of Sam and Jack’s arms. "Let’s do this."

_______________

# PART THREE

The wide open mouths and eyes, the silence in the room, the complete and total stillness as not a single person twitched a finger, was enough to encase Jack’s face in a wide grin as _four_ teammates stepped through the wormhole into the embarkation room. Jack nonchalantly strode down the ramp. "Got what I went for, General," he pompously declared.

General Hammond found his voice. "Doctor Jackson?"

"At a loss for words, Sir?" Jack couldn’t stop grinning.

"How is this possible?"

"Um…good to see you, Sir. Actually, I don’t know how long it’s possible _for_ ," Daniel already felt his strength sincerely waning, as his teammates stared at his body and Jack’s smile suddenly faded. Looking down, Daniel realized he was losing his control. Wisps of light emanated from his robes. 

This time, the silence was from concern, uncertainty, anxiety.

Daniel closed his eyes, taking long moments to concentrate, to focus. He really didn’t know how to do this properly. Maybe this was a mistake. No, how could it be a mistake when he’d get to see his old friends, spend a bit of time? He knew he’d be going back, eventually, anyway. Just …he just had to keep his concentrtion for a few hours, that would be good enough, that would be _some_ thing.

His body settled, and he could sense the release of breaths around him. Perhaps his own had been included in that sound, somewhere.

"Daniel? You okay?"

Daniel smiled. "Seems so, Jack." His smile faded. "But I don’t think I can do this for more than a few hours." More than he’d realized, those words saddened him. Maybe he wanted this more than he’d let himself believe.

"Come, Daniel. Where do you want to go first? Commissary, for real people food? Hey, what do you eat up there, anyway?"

Food. Daniel hadn’t considered that. He wasn’t hungry, this body probably wasn’t as real as they thought. Group illusion? No, they’d hugged him. He had substance.

"I’d like to see what the archeaologists are working on in the labs." Already he could feel the curiosity flowing. This was exciting, this was his love…

_______________

Daniel walked around the artifacts that hed been recovered since he’d…been gone. Interesting, that one was unusual. "What’s this writing?"

"No one has been able to figure that out yet, Sir," a lab technician he’d never met before eyed him with interest.

"Sir…uh, no. Hi, I’m Daniel," Daniel held out his hand to the man. _I was Daniel_. _I am Daniel_.

"I’ve heard about you, S…Daniel. A pleasure."

Well, his story had certainly spread around the base, he realized.

Taking another look at the artifact, Daniel recognized some symbols. "Try Futhark, a Proto-Canaanite runic script," he suggested, moving on, as the scientist frowned, looking once again at the piece before him. "

Sam caught Jack’s eye. "P4X 353, Sir?"

Jack paused. Sure, why not? "Daniel, we’d like you to listen to somethiing."

They’d gone to 353 two weeks before, a promising industrial market town. The potential for trade had seemed hopeful, except that no one could communicate. They’d made tapes of the language, taken it back to the SGC. None of the linguists or historians on base had been able to make headway. 

Daniel listened to the recording. "Tandian and Mayan," he commented.

"Tandian?" Sam queried. "That planet we were on a couple of years ago, where that family cooked us a meal in their pyramidal home?"

"Their language was closer to ancient Mixtec, a Mesoamerican culture," Daniel explained, "But this seems to be a derivation of it, mixed with Mayan vocabulary. I recorded as much of the language as I could, just check my files."

The others in the room stared wide-eyed. "Daniel," Sam began, "do you know how long we would’ve had to be working on this?"

Daniel might have felt pride, another day, at another time. But now, he was overwhelmed with sorrow, a feeling he had seldom had since acquiring his new home. A sorrow that indicated he was no longer part of this. He lived, no, _resided_ , now, in a place where all answers are known if only one knows how to look. Where the only curiosity needed is the wonder of how to keep replacing one’s body at will. That wasn’t _living_ , was it? He shook the thoughts out of his head. What gave him the right to complain? He wasn’t _supposed_ to be living. He was supposed to be _dead._

Jack knew they needed this man. **He** needed him, Sam needed him, the department needed him, the SGC needed him, Earth needed him, okay, he could go on but that was getting a bit redundant. He’d somehow find a way for Daniel to stay. Sam could figure it out, or Doc Frasier. Oma didn’t need Daniel, and for crying out loud, they **did**. Whether the man wanted to stay or not; he’d soon come to see the light. Oh, bad choice of words.

Daniel looked around the room, at all the faces he had known so well and had tried so hard to forget, his friends and the few faces of former acquaintances and strangers, seated at their tables, or wandering the room. This place, so foreign and different now, felt strangely like home. He needed to go back, to learn more, so that he could return again.

His friends saw the wispy light, fainter than before. 

"I think I need to go back now." 

Daniel’s face held a gentle sorrow, he knew the heartache could not be handled again and again. No, this could very well be the last time he would come.

"Daniel Jackson. Perhaps you would benefit from joining me in kel’no’reem?" 

Daniel knew Teal’c was asking… sure, as a friend offering a solution, yet he felt as well that Teal’c needed his company. A final and parting good-bye, a shared journey into the meditative state, into Teal’c own means of rejuvenation.

"You’re right, Teal’c. And I’d be honoured to accompany you." Nodding softly to the two friends who would not be part of the next hour or two, and who wanted to be with him as much as Teal’c did, he promised, "We’ll have a bit of time afterwards."

But Sam and Jack followed.

"Kel’no’reem. Always been meaning to try that again," Jack retorted. If he had half a day with Daniel, he was damn well going to keep his friend in sight. 

_______________

The lightness inside his head was comfortable, a place he was now familiar with. His body didn’t feel natural; it was heavy, and to shed it even within his mind was a comfort. He could hear voices, see brightness…someone was there…Oma…Oma was there, and …and…Jack? Oma was talking to Jack? Daniel strained to hear what they were saying, but all he could hear were songs…singing…choral voices, drowning out his thoughts…

Whoa! Cool, he hadn’t known he could actually do this, this kel’no’reem thing. Other than when Daniel had communicated with him on his deathbed, well, that was…they were connected, then, in friendship, in mutual admiration, in love and deep respect. But now, here he was, talking with Oma? Not really in words, she had more like entered his brain…but that’s what meditation was supposed to be, no?

Focus. Listen. Hear her. Those soft, gentle, penetrating eyes, harmonizing with his soul…no wonder Daniel was so mesmerized.

‘ _Let him go. You are holding on, and Daniel cannot let go go this life. He is not learning quickly, he is distracted. You have been calling to him, holding him back. Daniel will not succeed, until you allow yourself to let him go._ ’

Jack knew she was speaking the truth. ‘ _He’s my friend. I miss him._ ’

Her eyes were kind. ‘ _He misses you. He feels pulled in two directions, and is unsure if he has chosen correctly. You must aid him, convince him that he has done the right thing, or he will_ _be trapped in his body and unable to release himself. His learnings will be ended, his quest for our knowledge unattainable_.’

_‘What do you mean, trapped inside his body? Are you saying he could stay with us? But he was irreparably damaged, his real body is gone.’_

_‘You know of many races with powerful healing tools. You have seen the abilities of my race, Jack O’Neill. Do you think we could not heal the body of the one you so cherish? He has already been healed. He retains his body even now. Along with this we have offered him a new path, one that he is in desperate need to follow. That need is a great burning desire within him, yet he has not enjoyed his invitation. His development has been greatly hindered by his ties to his former home. Please. Think of what you must do for your friend. Release him, then he can decide freely. He must not choose because of you. If you are to set him free, do so before the next sunset. Do what you feel is best for Daniel, not for yourself. If you wish not to hinder his development, you must set him free.’_

Release him. Before the next sunset. That still gave him almost six hours with his friend.

_____

"The kel’no’reem worked wonders, Teal’c. Thank you for inviting me." Daniel felt much more solid than he had before. He was not in a hurry to get back to Kheb, back to his own land, and re-experience the loss and heartache. He knew he would be enveloped in love and enlightening strengths when he returned, but it just wasn’t the same as Sam’s arm touching his…

"My place?" Jack asked hopefully."Everyone, for a short tribute to old times?"

"Will they let me off the base, Jack?"

"Is it advisable for Daniel Jackson to leave the base, O’Neill? His proximity to the Stargate might be wise."

Yeah, they were right in their own eyes, but Jack knew that Daniel had at least until 9 pm. He wasn’t going to tell them of his ultimatum, though. That was a bit embarrassing, he’d have to acknowledge a few things first.

"If Daniel thinks he needs to get back, we’ll come back. Can’t you do that kel’no’reem thing again if he starts to fade on us?"

Daniel really did want to get off the base, to see some part of his former life, _real_ life. "We can try, Teal’c. Jack, I’d like to go back to your place for a short while."

"Great, it’s settled then. I’ll go clear it with Hammond."

_______________

While General Hammond had not thought it a wise idea, he knew how important this was to SG-1. With Jack’s promise of permanent and eternal obedience if anything went wrong, the four were now cosily ensconced in Jack’s living room. What small price for having Daniel back where his ghost still lingered. Jack had had to get him back here, to wipe out those ghosts. The memories would remain forever, he knew, but maybe at least now he could stop making two of everything, stop talking to a missing companion. 

"Beer, anyone,to go with the pizzas?" Jack returned from the kitchen with the plates.

"None for me, Jack," Daniel grinned.

"Ya sure? You might be able to handle it, you know," Jack retorted jovially. A drunken light…no, no jokes. Daniel was here with them right now, alive, if only temporarily, and that’s what he was tryiing to add to his memories.

"No, I never liked it much anyway. Although," Daniel added, "sometimes I still think of it, for some weird reason."

"You do?"

"Yeah…like I’m watching you drink it, or something. Or you’re offering it to me."

Jack’s eyes narrowed. Oh hell. Let him go, Jack.

The evening was passing too quickly, and while Daniel neither ate nor drank, he felt well. Memories surfaced, were brought to light in easy reminiscences, hope in the air, thankfulness that they had had this one last farewell with the friend who had so tragically and suddenly left that no joy had remained in their hearts. They needed this evening, to watch Daniel, to hear his gentle voice, to caringly and sincerely be with him for one last time. And the hope lingered in their hearts that maybe one day they could do this again. Maybe this was not really the final farewell?

Jack watched the clock, watched the sun moving lower in the sky. It would be dark in about two hours. He had to get Daniel back to the base soon, back to the Stargate. Back home. Had to tell him. Had to finally let him go. 

"Daniel…could I speak to you a minute?" Jack tilted his head towards the kitchen.

Daniel stood up, to the glances of Sam and Teal’c, and followed Jack into the kitchen. They probably understood.

At first, there was silence. 

"I’ve missed you."

"I missed you guys too."

"Tell me, Daniel. If you could stay here, would you?"

Daniel was about to respond, then caught himself. If he said yes, then when the inevitable time came to leave wouldn’t Jack feel sorrow, pain, helplessness? What would be the point to admitting to a desire for an unattainable goal? No. He could make it easier on them **all** right now. He would do what was right. 

"No. I… I think I need to be there. It’s…incredible there. Every answer to every question of the universe is open to our minds, and all we have to do is learn to access the information. I’m still in the process of learning," _though not very well_ , Daniel added silently.

_Oh. Then tell him he’d better be getting back, in an hour or so._

"I talk to you, you know. All the time. I see you on the roof looking at the stars, I see you in the garden watching the chipmunks." And while he was confessing, he may as well admit to one more thing. "I make you cups of coffee." Ouch. That was embarassing. 

Daniel heard the words, didn’t know what to say. That he’d love to stay if he could? Spend another night looking at the stars? Join the team and save the archaeologists on base weeks of translation work in languages they’d never encountered? 

"I’m sorry." Sorry I hurt you so badly, Jack. Sorry I can’t be there to listen when you need my friendship.

"Yeah. So am I." Maybe Daniel didn’t want to stay, but seeing him here now, standing in his kitchen, chatting as if all were natural, Jack hadn’t figured out a way to let him go. No. He **wasn’t** going to tell Daniel. Let him stay; find out what Oma meant by that.

The sun was sinking, dusk approaching to signal an end to the long summer day. Back with the others, laughing, joking, enjoying each other’s presence, each time Jack caught Daniel’s glance in the conversation, he found himself guiltily looking away. 

So what. He could live with guilt, if it meant he’d get to keep his friend. Oma had said Daniel could stay, that he’d missed them. Daniel had admitted he’d missed them all too. So, what was so terrible?

Sam seemed so happy. It was worth it to make her happy. She’d already commented a half dozen times that Daniel had been well for several hours, had not seemed to fade into light. Teal’c had replied that Daniel must be getting a handle on this concentration crap, although Teal’c had used a more suitable word. Daniel had jokingly attributed it to kel’no’reem.

"Jack? You’ve been awfully quiet for a while. You okay?"

"Yeah." Just thinking about you going back, Danny. Or not going back. Not going back because your friend kind of kidnapped you. Kind of didn’t give you the choice that would alter the course of the rest of your life. Not going back because your selfish friend couldn’t handle it.

Daniel would get back to Kheb, close his eyes, concentrate on the light, and find he couldn’t become one with it any more. He’d hate them, forever. Stranded forever at the SGC. And the next time he died, Oma wouldn’t come and rescue his butt.

Jack knew he’d crossed the line this time, taking matters into his own hands, and he’d gone too far.

Shit.

He’d found a way to let Daniel go.

"Daniel…can I talk to you a minute?" Jack motioned, heading towards the kitchen. 

Daniel followed.

At first there was silence.

"Daniel…we have to get you back to the base."

Daniel was confused. "Why? I still feel fine. We’re having a good time here, Jack."

"Shit. I know, Daniel…but there’s something I didn’t tell you."

Daniel remained silent, looking into Jack’s eyes with his own wide puzzled ones. Oh how Jack remembered that look.

"Daniel….when you were doing kel’no’reem, I kind of had a vision from Oma. She gave me a message for you."

"You did? Oh…I saw you two talking but couldn’t hear what you were saying."

"She said you had to decide by sunset whether you wanted to stay or not. She said you could stay here if you want, you’re cured and all."

Daniel’s eyes opened even wider; felt his heart leaping. "And you didn’t tell me this…why?"

"Because you wanted to leave. And I wanted to keep you here." He shrugged, looking lost, repentant.

"And you’re telling me now…why?"

"Because it’s _your_ choice to make, Daniel, not mine. Oma knew I had to be the one to realize that. She said I had…trouble letting you go."

"Oh."

"So we can go now. There’s just under an hour."

"No."

It was Jack’s turn now to be surprised. "No?"

"No. If I’d known I could stay, I would’ve told you a hell of a long time before now."

Daniel wanted to stay? Here? On Earth?

"Why’d you say you wanted to go back?"

"So you wouldn’t feel guilty and helpless in the face of the inevitable. So you’d think I was where I wanted to be, and be happy for me. So you wouldn’t miss me any more."

"Damnit, Daniel, you’re a fool."

"So are you."

"Yeah." They both broke into grins.

"You’re sure? I can stay?"

"Why do you want to? What about all that knowledge?"

"Boring. It comes too easily. No need to use my skills. I’ll admit, Jack, my reasoning powers are a lot better than my mental light tricks. Maybe I can show you some time…?"

"Nope. They’re gone."

"You sure?"

"Oma said so."

"So if I don’t go back tonight, I’m staying for good?" Daniel was still grinning. He couldn’t believe this was true.

"Unless she lies. So…if you stay the night, in the morning I’ll be able to ask you the question I’ve been dying to hear you answer since this happened."

"What’s that?"

"What do you want for breakfast?"

_____

The room was still swathed in blackness when Jack abruptly awoke, and, opening a tired eye a crack, he noted that his clock read 5:36 am. A sick feeling welled up inside him, and the realization hit forcefully that Daniel…

No.

No, it wasn’t a dream, not any more.

Jack sank back in relief, resting comfortably in his pillow. No more horrible feelings upon awakening.

Daniel was back.

**The End**

  


* * *

  


> I haven’t seen Meridian, so all but basic details are non-existent. I have used Meridian, while taking very little from it. This was my way of bringing Daniel back so that, for my own peace of mind, I can continue to write Daniel stories.
> 
> Thanks Shirl, for answering my questions about Meridian, and to Nic for the webpage. 

* * *

> © January 31, 2002 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

* * *

  



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